Thursday, November 13, 2014

For What It's Worth                                                                            - 48 Days and counting

Love and Friendship

Recently a sweet local girl we know just broke up with her fiancé.  Snoopy and I both believe she deserves better than him anyway, so we are not that sad.  We are sad that she is hurting but we know someone better will come along.  At least we won’t have to see him around much more anymore, hopefully.  Our hearts go out to her and we are there for her if she needs to vent or just be with a friend.  Snoopy can be a really great friend when you need her!  :)

Romantic relationships and me just don’t get along I guess.  I maybe expect too much as I give too much of myself when I am in a committed relationship and I foolishly expect that back.  My last serious relationship totally blew up in my face, which I never expected ever.  I am loyal to a fault I guess and now I have learned that it is not worth the pain to be in a relationship anymore.  

Sure, I would like to be with someone, but I do not need to be with someone.  I believe there is a big difference in the two.  I would like to share my life with someone but I don’t need to have that in my life.  I don’t have that neediness since I have been pretty much self-sufficient all of my life.  I have had some great relationships in the past, but many of them I messed up myself and I only have myself to blame.  Unfortunately, as you get older and learn what life is really about, you realize you did some stupid things when you were young and hopefully you have learned valuable lessons from those mistakes.  My last one I really tried to be the best I could be, but it takes two people in any relationship to agree to stay in it.  I guess I didn’t fit into it this last time.

So now I tend to shy away from relationships because of the damage done with my last marriage.      I actually met this one girl a couple years ago and she was pretty, fit, funny and available.  Unfortunately I was not emotionally available. After our 4th date or so I made myself unavailable because I knew it was going to become more physical, and I was not ready for that I guess.  I am damaged goods, unfortunately, and I don’t know what to do about it except keep at arm’s length and be friends with every girl I meet.  It may not be a fair deal, but it is what I am working with presently. 

Love itself is great!  All the things that surround love is what I am afraid of.  The loneliness, the rejection, losing someone, the envy, the heartache, the pain, all of it, I want to avoid like the plague. This is the cross I bear.  The pitfalls in life which do the most damage to your soul is what I fear and have avoided for the past 3 plus years and continue to avoid.  I guess it is my survival instinct that has kicked in to keep me afloat and my head above water.  It is sorry, but that is just the way it is now in my life.  I am in a sad state to say the least, but it is what it is I guess.

Famous Quotes and Words of Wisdom

Understand that you own nothing, everything that surrounds you is temporary, 

only the love in your heart will last forever.

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Snoopy says, Bark Less, and Wag More!

Until next time… Be Good!

- cb